Sunday, May 3, 2009
the child within
I went to the park today...to walk the dog..that's what I told myself
but I know I was going for a swing and a slide...it's hard to convince the dog to stay on the teeter totter LOL and besides all I have left is the little dog and I'd have to tie her to a boulder to get it to work, and that just wouldn't be right.
I love the look on kids faces when I come to join them on the swings, and follow up the slide ladder behind them. At first they are nervous, like I'm going to tell them what to do, then instantly most of them snap right out of it an accept me just like any other kid. I squeal when the swing starts jerking from going to high, I stretch way back and let my hair drag in the dirt, I kick off my sandals and fill between my toes with sand, and I let the momentum bring me to a stop.
I read a book years ago, I wish I could remember who wrote it but there was an exercise for going into your mind and finding the child you were, finding him or her at a time when they were scared, hurt, frightened, and visuallizing your adult self going into the situation and picking your child self up and telling the ones causeing the pain that they will never hurt this child again and soothing the child as you bring it from the past to the present...thus always remembering your inner child and also healing that childs pain.
There is so much pain in this world...and I beleive we spend way too much dwelling on it...yes share it to set it free and let it go..but so many people hold their pain as a shield, as a reason to hurt back, as a reason to not be present in the world, to keep anyone from ever hurting them again.
We all have pain, some hugely more than others..I choose to not allow the pain I suffered to be who I am...yes it hurt at the time...and yes I come across memories of it here and there but I do not hold that pain, all the negative stuff that has crossed my path has no hold on me..I see it, I sometimes acknowledge it but never pick it up. The world has so many beautiful wonderful things to offer and as soon as you let the horrors that you hold go and look for beauty you will see it.
My big turning point came 1 1/2 years ago after the murder of my 12 year old great niece, I was the last one to talk to her..I thought long and hard about life and all the things about life that where wonderful and that I would miss if I wasn't here...and that list made me decide to stop only sharing my thoughts with myself and my journals and to love every second of life and to throw fear to the wind and remember all the things that gave me strength through my life...
and the biggest one was...may amazing outlook and spirit and my connection to the inner child.
so remember it's up to you to create the world you want to live in
it's up to you to decide how you will act in the world
no one can take that from you
if you want a beautiful happy day just go out there and shine where ever you go and the world will shine back